Teen Lesson 3

Don't Take Revenge or Bear a Grudge

“Lo Sikom V’Lo Sitor”

Last week we discussed appreciating what you have and not being envious of others possessions.

STORY

I am exhausted today. I was up so late last night because my siblings, in their ruthlessness, decided not to stop their partying until about 3am! Since they didn’t go to sleep until late, neither did I. The noise in the background was unbearable so even though I was tired, I could not fall asleep. I don’t understand how people can act so inappropriately! I’m going to teach them a lesson! Tonight, they are going to try to go to sleep early because of last night’s late night adventure. But I am not going to let it happen. I’m having a sleepover with 3 of my noisiest friends. Ha! I will show them! We are going to be loud…but…something is wrong with this…its assur to take revenge…the party is planned…What should I do?

Stretch of the Week

If someone hurts you, immediately remind yourself of the issur to bear a grudge and take revenge

Points to Ponder

In general is it better to discuss old grudges with the person one is upset with or to keep it in the past and not deal with it?

What is the difference between bearing a grudge and teaching someone a valuable lesson?

Is it common for people to bear grudges that they are not aware of?

HALACHA

“The Mitzvos of lo sikom and lo sitor prohibit us from taking revenge against someone who has wronged us physically, monetarily or verbally, as well as from bearing a grudge against him in our heart. Exceptions exist, according to some opinions, in cases of personal offense, when a talmid chacham is the victim, and-on rare occasions-when there is constructive benefit. These issurim do not apply in the “heat of the moment.”” -Taken from The Code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver, Pg. 40.

“When a person lets offenses pass and is forgiving- he will be forgiven for all his sins” - Yuma 87b