Review:
Last week’s stretch of the week was: At least once this week try to be less judgmental of someone’s annoying behavior.
Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute.
Lesson #8
Lo Sachmod V’Lo S’save
Coveting the Possessions of Others
Jewish Law:
The mitzvos of “Not Coveting the Possessions of Others (Devarim 5:18) forbid us to desire another Jew’s possessions and to take measures to acquire them. The prohibition applies whether we are pressuring another person to sell the items to us when he is not interested in selling or whether we are pleading with him to give something to us as a gift. If the item is for sale, pressuring the seller to reduce the price is considered normal negotiation techniques and is permissible.
The underlying flaw that leads a person to desire something that belongs to another and to take measures to acquire it is envy. According to the letter of the law, feeling envious of another’s possessions does not constitute a violation of either of the two mitzvos as long as we have not begun to map out strategies, have not taken action or spoken up in order to acquire them. Nevertheless, the character trait of envy is considered very crass and should be assiduously avoided.
Were it not for envy, a person would be able to manage with only the minimum requirement of food, clothing and living accommodations. People in our generation have become rather obsessed with “keeping up with the Joneses” – exerting physically and emotionally to gain a lifestyle based on society’s superficial and extravagant standards. Eliminating this non-constructive trait would greatly enhance the true quality of our lives.
(Excerpts from The Code of Jewish Conduct by Rabbi Yitzchok Silver)
Story: (based on a true story)
I grew up in an upper class home in the heart of America. I always had what I
needed, and was given what I wanted. I don’t remember ever feeling a sense of
lack. When I noticed that others did not possess what our family had in
abundance, I was committed to helping them feel comfortable and taken care
of. I lived with this mindset for the first 25 years of my life.
As I grew older, married, and started a family, the financial stress of our new
established family gradually worsened. Whereas I was accustomed to a certain
standard of living, my husband was raised in a simple home with few luxuries and
wasn’t challenged as much as I was.
When the recent financial crisis hit, our monetary status began to loom dark and
heavy yet slowly but surely we were able to rebound a bit and make ends meet so we didn’t feel quite so pinched.
While we endured this challenge, certain things which hadn’t bothered me in the
past started to gnaw at me. While we were in no position to renovate our home,
buy new clothing or donate generous amounts of money to charity, there were
many people in town who were able to live prosperously in spite of the financial
crisis. I began noticing home improvement signs posted on my neighbor’s front
lawns and newly acquired cars. As crazy as it may sound, I even started to desire
the contents of other women’s shopping carts, full of fresh meat and expensive
snack foods.
I never considered myself to suffer from jealousy, but in hindsight I realize that this
ease may have been due to the fact that I never lacked for anything materially. I
perceive myself as a growth oriented person, often trying to work on internalizing
Jewish values (such as being happy with what I have) into every part of my day.
However, the sharp contrast between the way others were living and the plight I
had to accept, were miles apart. I tried to stay focused and keep a smile on my
face (at least in public) but inside I was suffering terribly.
One day my 8 year old son Jake returned from school, jumped on my lap, swiftly
placed a sweet little kiss on my cheek and pronounced that he “loved me so
much!” Not that he normally wasn’t affectionate, but somehow there seemed to
be a reason for his added measure of passion. “I love you too Jakey! Tell me what happened in school today!” I answered.
“It was good. Mrs Miller asked us to make an entry in our writing journals about all
the things we have that are good. I normally don’t like journal time but when I
started writing I had so much to say,” he blurted out.
“Really, what did you write Jake?” I questioned.
“I wrote that I love my parents and my brothers and sisters and my house and my clothes and my toys and my backyard and my grandparents and holidays and going to the playground and my friends and Passover and …,” he continued on and on. I was so struck by his words. The amazing moment for me was that most of the parts of his life that he really loved cost nothing. He’s a normal child who asks for new toys and other expensive items from time to time, but when Jake revealed what was good to him, what really mattered most were the constant, stable, free aspects of his little existence. In fact, I often would daydream about all the luxuries my children were missing – luxuries which I took for granted as the norm in my childhood. When my son shared with me his sweet innocent joys, I internalized that true happiness comes from taking stock of what I have, that truly a price tag would fall short of. Appreciating G-d’s handiwork allows me to trust that the Creator has decided that He knows what is best for me, even when it’s not always what I had in mind. Jake inadvertently showed me that to focus on the purchases and belongings of others only serves to dampen my spirit and reject the hand picked circumstances of my life that G-d knows is best for me.
Discussion Question Options:
Is there a certain type of person that most people envy?
How do people lose out by having feelings of jealousy?
How would a person gain if they were to feel pleasure when they hear about the good fortune of others?
Stretch of the Week:
Think of someone you have felt jealous of in the past and work on feeling pleasure in his/her good fortune or accomplishments.