Review:
Last week’s stretch of the week was: Make it a point to acknowledge, through
thought or action, someone you previously have not had an appreciation for.
Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute.
Lesson #10
She’eilas shalom
Greeting Others
Part 2
Jewish Law:
She’eilas shalom is usually translated as “greeting”, but, it actually means inquiring about someone’s well-being. The Talmud usually refers to greeting someone with the word “shalom,” which is one of the Names of G-d, as Rashi, a commentator explains (Shabbos 10b), Gidon called G-d “Shalom” (Shoftim 6:24). Thus, when we use the term “greeting” in our context, we refer to this aspect as well. By saying shalom, we are giving the other person a blessing that G-d should help him.
The power of a warm greeting of shalom cannot be overestimated. Our Sages
actually instituted a decree that people should greet their friends and inquire after
their well being using the word “shalom” – one of the divine Names of G-d. We
should not limit our greetings to old friends and close neighbors. Our Sages say
that we should be the first to greet everyone. Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai was
known for being the first to receive everyone he met with a warm greeting
(Mishpetei Hashalom 4:23-24)
Every morning we pass our neighbor on the way to work, and each time, he gives
us a warm greeting. If that is the case, we must try to give him our shalom first –
“Seek peace and pursue it” (Psalsm 34). In any case, we must be sure to respond
to his greeting; if someone gives us shalom and we do not respond in kind, we are
considered thieves. In contrast, when we bless our friend with a warm greeting, we
are blessed from Heaven.
(Excerpts from The Code of Jewish Conduct by Rabbi Yitzchok Silver)
This mitzvah falls under the category of giving respect to our fellow Jew.
Story: (based on a true story)
When I walked into the gym one day and noticed a pretty young woman I hadn’t
seen before, I quickly took a double take. She appeared friendly and pleasant but
one couldn’t help notice the colorful silk kerchief wrapped around her hair.
Because she was also wearing a skirt over her leggings I made the assumption that
she was an ultra orthodox married woman. In our neighborhood, we don’t often
see religious Jews so when one does appear they definitely stand out. I didn’t say
anything to her though, not even a “hi” or a “welcome, are you new here?” In the
gym I have my routine. I work out, shmooze with the regular crowd for a few
minutes and run off to work. Besides, what in the world would I have to talk about
with a religious woman? She probably would prefer to stay to herself anyway, I
thought.
The following week I found myself running right next to the religious girl on the
treadmill. While I was relatively comfortable wearing my shorts and tank top, I felt
like melting as I watched her jog with so much clothing. Was she really enjoying
working out like that or did she just feel she was obligated to do so? I felt a bit
embarrassed for her to be so bogged down with so many coverings but something in me seemed to be impressed with her convictions at the same time. Did I have anything in my life that I’d be willing to settle in my comfort for like she did?
After weeks of the same scenario, I learned more about the “running religious girl”.
She had a baby, she had a lot of stamina and her name was Chaya. (Those “ch”
words are a real challenge for me!) For some reason though, I felt intimidated by
her presence and couldn’t explain why. Was it that I felt she was judging me? Did
she consider me as Jewish as she even though I didn’t wear the clothing she
wore? Oddly though, I felt a gravitational pull towards her at the same time and
felt some sort of obligation to befriend her, especially because she was “one of the
tribe”.
“So…. I’ve seen you over the past few weeks here. Do you enjoy the gym?” was
all I could manage to say.
“Yes, it’s wonderful. I used to exercise in a gym close to my home but when my
office moved a block away, I just couldn’t resist trying it out here.” she responded.
Believe it or not, that was the beginning of a friendship that has grown and
blossomed. As the weeks flew by I felt more comfortable asking her questions
about her life style. I found her to be warm and approachable. She has been to
our home and we have been to hers several times over the past couple of years
and we each feel blessed to have each other in our lives. To think back and
ponder why I felt so intimidated when I first met Chaya seems so ridiculous now.
I’m so thankful I had the strength to greet someone I never thought I’d connect to.
We both feel we’ve gained from each other’s lives.
Discussion Question Options:
Why do many people wait for someone to greet them before they say hello?
How would you gain by greeting others more cheerfully?
Why do people sometimes feel intimidated by others who appear different and
then ignore them?
Stretch of the Week:
Make an effort to be the first to smile at someone. (and notice their reply)