Lesson #2
V’ahavta L’rayacha Kamocha Love Your Fellow Jew as You Love Yourself
Part 1
Jewish Law:
Maimonides writes: “We are obligated to love every single Jew as we love ourselves”, as the Torah states, V’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha – `Love your fellow man as yourself.’ Therefore, we must praise others, and we must care about their money just as we care about our own money and our own dignity. Whoever derives honor from humiliating someone else loses his share in the world to come.” (Hilchos Daios 6:3 )
To get a full understanding of the mitzvah (commandment) of ahavas yisrael we first need to define each word separately.
What is ahava (love)? Ahava is the pleasure that comes from recognizing the virtues in another person. This recognition leads to a desire to give to the other person.
Who are we referring to when we say Yisrael?
“All Jews! The Jewish people are all related. Their souls are united, each containing a part of all the others.” (Tamar Devorah, 4th attribute)
The commandment of loving your fellow man can be fulfilled at all times. Every single second of the day any favor or kindness that you do for someone is a fulfillment of this commandment. The commandment can also be fulfilled through thought. When you are happy about the good fortune of someone else, it constitutes an act of loving your fellow man. For instance, if you hear that someone just gave birth to a child and you feel happy, you fulfill this commandment. The same applies when someone suffers misfortune. If you feel sad because of their suffering, you fulfill this commandment. By fulfilling this
commandment properly, a person can easily amass thousands upon thousands of mitzvos. (Yesod Veshoresh Hoavoda 1:7, 8)
The Baal Shem Tov says: “You know that you have many faults, nevertheless, you still love yourself. This is how you should feel toward your friend. Despite his faults, you must love him.” (Likutai Avraham, p. 221)
To love one’s fellow man as oneself is not merely a lofty ideal devoid of practical significance. Rather, it is a Torah commandment with specific obligations and restrictions (see Sridai Aish, vol. 4, p. 343). In every encounter with other people you have an opportunity to either fulfill or violate this mitzvah.
(Excerpts from The Code of Jewish Conduct by Rabbi Yitzchok Silver)
Story: (based on a true story)
There is no greater feeling than that of being understood. To be able to enter someone else’s reality and feel their joy and at other times their pain is literally an art which many possess naturally, yet most must learn through life experience. Through unfortunate circumstances, I have personally learned the value in truly feeling for another person.
As most homes run right before Shabbat, the sounds of showers running and silverware clanging were heard from all sides of the house. I was putting the final touches on an elegant new salad recipe when I heard the unmistakable sound of water pouring onto the kitchen floor. As I turned around to see what happened, I don’t think any experience in the world could have prepared me for what I was about to witness. Sitting on the floor was my 16 month old baby in a state of shock with her arm red, burnt, and blistering in front of my eyes. She somehow managed to reach the wire to our urn and pull it down on herself. Within three seconds the blood curdling screams that came from her mouth her deafening. Without a moment’s notice I somehow had the clarity of mind to remember the crucial task of submerging the burnt area in cool water. I grabbed my screaming daughter, flew up the stairs, filled the bathtub with cool water, all the while davening and soothing the baby as much as I could. With each attempt to plunge her arm into the water accompanied screams of her fear and panic. She gave me this look of “How can you be doing this to me? I’m burnt and am in so much pain and now you want to torture me more by subjecting me to this cold water?”
I felt my daughter’s pain in such a deep way. I knew what she was saying to me even though she wasn’t able to say anything more than “ouch!” and continue to cry. With a flash of compassion, truly feeling her pain, I made a decision. I looked at my daughter straight in the eyes and said, “Mommy knows this water is so cold and so uncomfortable so I’m going to join you.” I proceeded to step into the
bathtub, fully clothed, to let her know that I was with her all the way. I realized that if she had to suffer in this way, by joining her, it may ease her pain. As we both sat in the water with chattering teeth and purple lips her cries started to wane. She stared at me with a strange look and slowly calmed down. With me by her side (literally) she was able to persevere with what had to be done to assist her burn.
I truly don’t feel I did anything so special. I did what any mother would do. What I did learn is the power we possess to alleviate the pain of another person by showing them we care. Upon further reflection on this idea, I realized that we shouldn’t have to wait for tradedies to befall us to connect and empathize. We can grant anyone we come in contact with the feeling that we care. Whether it is by taking pleasure in their happiness or empathizing with their struggle, we are capable of loving our fellow Jew. We are all in this life together. What better way to express “Loving your Fellow Jew as you Love Yourself” than letting someone know that you value them as a person and appreciate their unique contribution both big and small.
Discussion Question Options:
What is your ideal picture of a person who has great love for other people?
Is it more important to be a loving person or to appear to be a loving person? How do they differ?
When one feels love for another person, can they feel enriched even if the other person does not love them the same way in return?
If you actually viewed others as being created in the image of G-d, how would this affect they way you treated them?
Stretch of the Week:
Make it a point to call someone this week to wish them mazel tov on an occassion, share something positive you have learned from them or one of their family members, or feel internal happiness for their good fortune.