Kiddush HaShem

Review: The last stretch of the week was:  Let go of a grudge, a hurt, or a negative assessment of someone.  Really deeply let go.  Think about this as a kiddush HaShem, of intentionally making you and K’lal Yisrael a vessel for His b’rachos. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute. KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #1 Kiddush HaShem Sanctifying the Name of HaShem For the next weeks we will be focusing on the mitzva of kiddush HaShem, Sanctifying the Name of HaShem, based on Rabbi Shraga Freedman’s book Living Kiddush Hashem.  What is the connection between kiddush HaShem and Ahavas Yisrael?  The answer to this question becomes apparent when we consider our ultimate purpose on earth – the hastening of the geula, our final Redemption.  This is the time when all people, Jew and non-Jew recognize HaShem.  It is our tafkid, our task, both as individuals and as a People,  to bring about the geula by means of kiddush HaShem.  But, telling others about our beliefs and our philosophy is not the way to bring this about.  It’s our actions that count.  By following the blueprint given to us in the Torah, we are influencing those around us to look favorably at us, and by extension to look favorably at the Torah lifestyle, and ultimately to appreciate the Glory of HaShem.  Our loving and careful performance of all mitzvos is the method by which HaShem is sanctified in the eyes of others.  kiddush HaShem is actualized by others seeing our attitudes, our behaviors, our priorities, and (eventually) appreciating HaShem.  Our interactions with others is a crucial component in triggering this appreciation. This means we must be sure we are giving at least equal emphasis to bain adam lachavairo mitzvos, interpersonal behavior, as we do to bain adam laMakom mitzvos, religious obligations.  So, as we work on improving our Ahavas Yisroel actions, we are simultaneously being m’kadesh HaShem, sanctifying HaShem’s name and hastening the time when His Glory and Goodness is known to all people. In the coming weeks, we will be discussing how to look carefully at our actions in light of, as far as it is possible, being the ambassadors or representatives tasked with demonstrating to others the beauty of HaShem’s ways. First, let’s consider some general principles of kiddush HaShem regarding mitzva observance.  As we said, the observance of mitzvos is the vehicle in which others may come to appreciate HaShem.  But what happens when the performance of a mitzva may, however unintentionally, cause negative feelings?  We must be careful not to allow our justifiable concern for how others view us to delude us into thinking that we may or even should, G-d forbid, not perform a mitzva to avoid chillul HaShem.  Holding firm to the mitzvos of the Torah will, in the long run, be the medium for sanctifying the name of HaShem, even if in the short term we appear impolite. For example:  We are at work and lunch was ordered in by a very well-meaning person, from a “kosher” deli that is open on Shabbos and does not have a reliable hechsher, certification.  We may not eat or drink something of questionable kashrus to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.  In a situation like this, as difficult as it may be, we must explain to the best of our ability, and we may not eat the food.  That being said, this applies to mitzvos, not chumros  (stringencies) or hiddurim (beautifications).  In those cases, we need to be tolerant of others viewpoints, we need to go out of our way to be sure that we are not acting in a way that could be hurtful or even mildly annoying to others.  Kiddush HaShem becomes the overriding concern. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush Hashem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Story:  (based on a true story) I recently attended the funeral of the mother of my friend Leah.  Leah is a ba’a’las t’shuva and comes from a loving, traditional family that is not fully mitzva observant.  There were dozens of people at the funeral and it was not easy to distinguish between observant and non-observant people by their dress.  After the funeral, a number of people who were not going to the cemetery were on line waiting to wash before returning home.  As I was standing on line, I heard a number of comments about the “custom” of washing, its purpose, and how to do it correctly.  However, I noticed that no one was observing the minhag of not handing the cup directly to the next person.  I had always learned that the cup is placed on the ground or on the sink in between people washing at such a time.  As I waited my turn I debated-should I gently instruct this open and willing audience regarding the minhag as I understood it?  Discussion Questions: With my new-found consideration of kiddush HaShem, several questions came to mind:  Will I seem pushy?  Will others think I am being judgmental?  Might there be someone who would feel undermined by my butting in, thus creating a chillul HaShem?  What would you have done? In the case of the not quite Kosher food in the workplace, how could the situation be handled in the most positive way within the parameters of halacha? Stretch of the Week: In a making a decision this week, try to consider the kiddush HaShem implications of your choice.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  In a making a decision this week, try to consider the Kiddush HaShem implications of your choice. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute.  KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #2 Kiddush HaShem Appearances Matter We are often told that the outward appearance of others should not matter to us.  Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Or the Pirkei Avos version:  al tistakel bakankan e’la b’ma she’yaysh bo.  (Don’t look at the container, but rather, what is inside it.)  We  work on judging others favorably.  We lament that so many people label others by the exteriors:  black hat or knitted yamulka, instead of their character traits or spiritual values . However, as we continue our study of the concept of Kiddush HaShem we see the other side of the coin.  The outer appearance, the impression that we make on others is at the core of this mitzva. Why is this so?  Because the Jewish people’s image in the world (to ourselves and to others) can hasten or slow the final redemption. One way for others to begin to appreciate HaShem is to be aware of His special attention that he gives to us, as individuals and as a people.  It may be difficult for others to realize what HaShem’s role in the life of an individual is because it can often be explained away.  The recovery of a person from illness can be attributed to medical professionals.  The success of someone’s business can be seen as that person’s business acumen. However, when HaShem’s special attention to us as a nation is witnessed by others it is harder to explain away.  When large numbers of Jews act in unity, performing mitzvos, HaShem’s special attention can be seen, creating even more Kiddush HaShem in the world.  (Think of the Siyum Hashas at Metlife stadium when thousands of Jews celebrated their completion of the Talmud!)  How many people were influenced to begin or increase their Torah learning because of that one event? On an individual level, we must be vigilantly aware of how our actions are perceived.  Even actions that are perfectly permissible must not allow for the slightest suspicion.  We must try to act lifnim meshuras hadin, beyond the letter of the law, to be without blemish in the eyes of others.  We learn that Moshe, our teacher, wore special clothing for his service in the Mishkan, Tabernacle that had no pockets or folds.  Would anyone have suspected Moshe of stealing something from the Mishkan?  But, even his garments prevented the whisper of a suspicion. We cannot act in a way that may cause suspicion of any kind.  (Reproduced from Living Kiddush Hashem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Story:  (based on a true story) My neighbor Sarah is collecting admission money at the door for a crowded school Chinese Auction event.  I’m happy to see her there, because I owe her a few dollars for some items she picked up for me at the grocery.  I go to the table and pay the admission, but I also want to repay Sarah the money I owe her.  Sarah explains that she may not accept personal money and put it in her wallet while she is working the door, lest someone suspect that she is taking the school’s money.  Here’s another scenario: A store owner wants to get the local religious shoppers to come into his store, hoping that they will become frequent customers and increase his business.  He decides he is going to sell plastic containers that come marked ‘meat’, ‘dairy’ or ‘pareve’, and, he prices them as a loss leader (a very low price, breaking even or losing money, as a way to draw in customers).  Early in the morning, the first few customers come in and buy dozens of containers and little else.  By the afternoon, he has none left, and customers leave annoyed.  His business plan was a failure. Discussion Questions: What are the kiddush HaShem implications of this incident? What might the store owner think of the early shoppers, and by extension, all Jews? Of course, the store owner could have made a quantity limit, but how many of us have gotten around such limits by having our husbands or children buy for us?  Even though that is not prohibited, how does this incident raise our awareness of the hidden implications of our actions? This incident, in particular, could feed the stereotype of Jews as “cheap”.  While many are offended by this stereotype, others almost wear it as a badge of honor:  “My Jewish mother is the greatest bargain hunter”, or “Jews never buy retail”.  In light of our understanding of kiddush HaShem, are these types of self-deprecating comments acceptable? In the earlier mentioned incident, where Sarah could not accept the repayment of funds while she was collecting money for the school event, how do we reconcile the need to be completely above suspicion with the mitzva to judge others favorably?  If we saw Sarah putting money in her wallet, wouldn’t we be obligated to assume it was her personal money and not the school’s money? Can you give other examples of usually permissible actions that could be misinterpreted? Stretch of the Week: Go out of your way to be sure that your actions will not be misinterpreted by others.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  Go out of your way to be sure that your actions will not be misinterpreted by others. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute.  KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #3 Kiddush HaShem Sanctifying the Name of HaShem As we study the concept of Kiddush HaShem, let’s consider the importance of one’s outward appearance, the impression that we make on others, at the core of this mitzva.  What do we need to think about when reflecting on how others perceive us?  A generation or two ago, this was much easier.  Appropriate manners, appropriate dress, were much more regulated.  Roles were carefully defined, and it was obvious to all what society’s norms were.  In today’s world, we need to be much more discerning.  However, to the extent possible, in order to facilitate Kiddush HaShem, with the ultimate goal of all people recognizing HaShem, we need to be seen by others as behaving in a pleasant and polite way.  In order to achieve this perception we must be aware of society’s norms and try not to breach them. What is the going rate to tip a waiter?  Is it expected to chat with the cab driver?  Does everyone have the exact fare ready for the bus?  Do I leave the empty plates on the table at the pizza shop or clear the table? Knowing and doing what is expected or polite makes a more favorable impression. Sometimes this varies from place to place.  In some countries, making eye contact is disrespectful, in others the opposite is true.  In some places standing on line is orderly; in others, not so much! What is the protocol for the supermarket counter? On a recent trip to Israel, at the supermarket checkout aisle, the man in front of me pushed his shopping cart behind him and directly in front of me  and he walked out of the store!  I now had to push his cart out of the way so I could have enough room to empty my cart.  I was so annoyed at his rudeness that I told my Israeli kids about it.  Their response:  He was being polite!  His cart was for the bagger to use for my order, and I was supposed to leave my cart for the next person.  I was the rude one!  Who knew?  A person who is outwardly identified as Jewish by his or her dress has a special responsibility to bring honor to the Jewish people (and therefore to HaShem).  And the converse is also critical; when we are easily identified as Jewish, our misdeeds reflect on our entire nation, and, unfortunately, block others from recognizing the honor of HaShem.   Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon, the mashgiach ruchani (spiritual advisor) of Bais Medrash Gavoha in Lakewood, would remind the students that behaving rudely on the way to Yeshiva could negate the effect of the entire morning’s learning.  He explains that honking the horn, cutting off other drivers, tailgating and the like create the potential for chillul HaShem, desecrating G-d’s name.  In all of our encounters with others – parking, shopping, driving, we must keep in mind Kiddush HaShem as the ultimate goal. There are many examples told of our great Rabbis who were careful to smile at people in the street, or greet drivers or doormen, or to specifically thank workers.  Perhaps these thoughtful actions are not too difficult to try to emulate.  We have also, unfortunately, heard of instances like when a large department store in the Catskills had to change its return policy in the summer months, because so many used items were returned at the end of August.  These are actions we must guard against. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush HaShem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Story:  (based on an article) The following is a list of complaints culled from online responses to an article in the Jewish Week regarding the relationship between the summer residents and the locals.  “They’ll triple-park anywhere, speed through crosswalks, pick up hitchhikers in the middle of the road, make U-turns on Route 42…People don’t act responsibly. (They) are not respectful of the locals.”  “I do dislike rudeness, disrespectful, impolite, & people who show no courtesy. If summer residents wish to be treated like a neighbor they should act like one themselves.”  “They violate town laws, such as blaring music and yelling over their loud speakers at all hours of day and night”; “I have seen many dump garbage on our roads…”  “(They are) Stopping vehicles on country roads and not pulling over to the side….Driving in a manner without consideration for others:  that is cutting in front of other drivers, driving slowly in the left lane which prevents others from passing.  (Their) Shopping habits. Blocking aisles in the supermarket with shopping carts and not moving aside when other wish to pass showing a total disregard for other shoppers….Failing to use conventions of common courtesy in conversation with service personnel:  e.g. please and thank you. Discussion Questions: How do we react to these complaints?  Do we attribute the complaints to anti-Semitism?  Do we justify these actions by saying that they are not talking about “our kind” of Jews?  Do we say that these are the actions of only a few bad apples?  Do we minimize their importance? What can we learn from this about how our behavior is viewed by others? How can we reconcile two seemingly opposing concepts:  We are instructed not to mimic the “ways of the nations”, not to be influenced by the secular culture, yet we are also advised to take societal norms into consideration and behave according to society’s view of courtesy? Stretch of the Week: Make an effort to speak politely to an office worker, store clerk, customer service person or the like every day this week!

Review Last week’s stretch of the week was:  Make an effort to speak politely to an office worker, store clerk, customer service person or the like this week! Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute. KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #4 Kiddush HaShem Externally Sanctifying the Name of HaShem This week we continue to consider various aspects of the concept of Kiddush HaShem.   Our goal sanctifying Hashem’s Name is to bring all people to the recognition of the Glory of HaShem.  To achieve this end, we must refine our behaviors and our attitudes, and we must be conscious of details that we may sometimes think of as less significant.  While we are aware that the physical and external are only a shadow compared to the spiritual, still the Torah does not discount the importance of outward appearance.  Observing the external may be the vehicle for others to be drawn to delve into the internal. The Torah elaborates greatly on the construction of the Mishkan, Tabernacle and the fashioning of its vessels using beautiful materials and artistic craftsmanship.  The physical aspects are not ignored or given diminished importance, rather their splendor contributes to the honor of HaShem.  We try to build beautiful shuls, use beautiful candlesticks and menorahs, set our tables elegantly for Shabbos, all of this showing how we honor HaShem and the Torah. We live in an affluent time and have the opportunity to broadcast HaShem’s honor to the world by means of our financial success.  One of the reasons that Avraham our Forefather was successful in teaching about HaShem was his wealth.  Even King Avimelech attributed Avraham’s material success to HaShem, saying   “G-d is with you in all that you do” (Beraishis 21:22).  So too, our material success can have a powerful influence on others and we should be aware of this opportunity.    Of course, we must be careful that too much importance placed on the externals may not only crowd out the importance of the spiritual, it may arouse envy in others. There are many practical applications of the concept of making the most of the opportunity to influence others by means of the externals.  For example, it is important to keep the outside of one’s house neat and clean, garbage taken out on time, lawn mowed and snow shoveled appropriately.  The standards of the neighborhood dictate where laundry is hung outside and whether toys are left on the front lawn.  Personal physical appearance is equally important in terms of its ability to influence.  Historically, kings of the Jewish people were tall and handsome.  Our Sages teach that a Prophet needed to be wealthy, physically strong, and wise, because it is the Prophet’s job to influence the nation, and with those characteristics, he will be able to appeal to many.  The Talmud goes so far as to say that a Talmudic scholar with a stain on his garment deserves the death penalty!  This is because if others see his disheveled appearance they will come to scorn him, his Torah learning, and ultimately HaShem Himself.   Clearly this indicates the need for all of us to be concerned that we and our children are neat and clean and dressed appropriately. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush HaShem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Examples:  When we think about how we are influenced by externals consider the following examples:  Many pundits agree that JFK won the 1960 televised presidential debate because Nixon appeared to look scruffy with his five o’clock shadow.  A few years ago the National Women’s Lacrosse team were chastised in the press because some of the team members wore flip flops to the White House.  And doesn’t a defense lawyer tell his client what to wear to court to appear less guilty? Discussion Questions: I am in the middle of baking late at night for an upcoming simcha.  I am wearing my baking clothes which can best be described as “extremely comfortable.”  My sweatshirt has flour on one side and cocoa on the other.  I see that I have run out of eggs, but it’s too late to ask a neighbor.  Given what we have learned about Kiddush HaShem, can I run to the market and buy some eggs without changing my clothes? Is there a method to help a person balance one’s personal desire for physical comfort or             luxury with the desire to use one’s wealth as a vehicle for Kiddush HaShem? How do we balance the concept of showing others that HaShem has honored us with success with the risk of incurring their envy? How do we balance the need to appear presentable yet not succumb to undue vanity? Stretch of the Week: If you buy something new to wear or for your home, think of how this item can be part of your overall goal of Kiddush HaShem.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  If you buy something new to wear or for your home, think of how this item can be part of your overall goal of Kiddush HaShem. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute. KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #5 Kiddush HaShem Sanctifying the Name of HaShem For the past few weeks we have focused on how we appear to others.  Today we will look at how other’s appear to us. We have much to be proud of as Jews.  The special care that HaShem has shown us has allowed the Jewish people to thrive for these thousands of years.  Our Torah has given us a meaningful life that transcends all.  However, we must be careful that the healthy and well-deserved pride that we have in ourselves and our accomplishments do not cause us to disparage others.  We need not put others down in order to keep our high opinion of ourselves.  Remembering that the purpose of kiddush HaShem is to bring others to the recognition of HaShem, we must be able to see that all people, Jew and non-Jew alike, are created in the image of HaShem, and, therefore deserve our respect in every interaction we have with them.   The most powerful tool we have to achieve this is to look at others and see past their current behaviors to see their potential.  Since they are created in the image of HaShem, no matter their present state, they have the potential to improve.  One action we can take in this area is to be careful in the way we speak about groups of people.  Stereotyping, disparaging names and labeling groups of people all contribute to the way we look at others, even when that is not intended. We have done a good job instilling pride in being religious Jews but sometimes we lose focus on the proper balance needed.  Our negative speech about others may also be a contributing factor.  Consider some of the following common statements: I don’t know where to send my daughter to high school; girls from school x are too snobby; Our town was so much more peaceful before all the newcomers from ______ moved in; I can’t believe how nice she is, even though she came from ______. How do statements like these undermine our ability to see the potential in others (, in addition to the fact that these are probably lashon hora)?  Not only must we attempt to see others’ potential in the best possible light, but it follows that it is our responsibility to act in a way that is an example for others.  If others are not acting properly, some part of the responsibility lies with us. This is an obvious statement when we think about being a role model for our children — of course our actions–both positive and negative–influence how our children act.  In terms of Kiddush HaShem, we need to think of ourselves as role models for the world!  Since our G-d given task is to bring honor to HaShem, every action we do has the ability to influence others.  This is an awesome responsibility.  But, if we focus on the goal, we can summon our reserves of spiritual adrenaline to infuse our actions with the strength needed to accomplish this task.  Although it may be tempting to think that we cannot make a difference in the world, this thought is not helpful.  The belief that we can take responsibility and make that difference is fundamental to Judaism. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush HaShem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Examples:  Stepping up and meeting the responsibility of being a positive influence in the world can be done.  Think of the kiddush HaShem involved in Israel’s setting up emergency hospitals in Haiti after the earthquake and so many other places all over the world.  Think of the Jewish businessmen who have made the national news by restoring retirement packages or providing bonuses to their workers totaling millions of dollars. Sometimes the world we influence is much smaller.  In many Jewish neighborhoods there are elderly widows and widowers living among the majority of young families.  The quantity and quality of giving to them is beyond description.  Just a few examples, barely skimming the surface:   flowers, home-baked challa and soup distributed weekly (along with a visit), block wide birthday parties, snowshoveling, hospital visits, home repairs, rides to and from doctors, picking up medicine at the pharmacy, Shabbos and Yom Tov meals.   What incredible kiddush HaShem has been engendered by these acts of chessed.  The attitudes of these seniors toward their more observant neighbors moved from wariness to love and respect.  Their adult children and grandchildren have been able to see the beauty of the Torah lifestyle.  And, think of the positive influence on our own children, who can see the splendor of chessed,  giving to others. Discussion Questions: It is empowering to hear of wonderful things we Jews do in the name of Torah, whether they are world events that make the news or “smaller” acts on an individual level.  Could we all share something that we have heard about or seen that inspire us or have had a positive influence on us? How might we achieve the appropriate balance between pride-on a personal or national level-and vanity or conceit? Stretch of the Week: Share something inspirational with someone in order to instill a pride in being Jewish.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  Share something inspirational with someone in order to instill a pride in being Jewish. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute. KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #6 Kiddush HaShem Honesty All of our actions, as individuals and as a community, and even as a nation, can contribute to bringing about a Kiddush Hashem.  There are some specific acts that are especially effective in bringing honor to HaShem and His Torah.  First among these is scrupulous honesty. In reference to honesty, the Torah teaches “midvar sheker tirchak”, distance yourself from falsehood.  The wording is unusual, not only must we not speak falsely, we must keep far away from any hint of untruth.  Even if a lie is merely an exaggeration and causes no one any harm, it is still prohibited.  Lying, in any form is, in essence, an attempt to escape the reality of life.  Whether it involves cheating on a test, making up excuses to avoid responsibility, reneging on a commitment, or cheating for monetary gain, falsehood allows a person to live for a moment in a fantasy.  This is a destructive delusion. In terms of our relationships with others, including neighbors, co-workers, shopkeepers, as well as friends and relatives, scrupulous honesty, even beyond the letter of the law, goes a long way in making a Kiddush Hashem.  There is a story about a Yemenite Jew named Reb Avraham Badichi.  Reb Avraham was a craftsman working on an expensive piece of jewelry in the palace of the prince.  In the room where he was working, he came across an old metal urn, covered with layers of rust and dirt.  When one of his tools struck the metal, Reb Avraham recognized the sound that indicated that the urn was made of gold.  He told the prince that the urn was a valuable treasure, but the prince discounted the discovery and told Reb Avraham that he could have it for himself.  Reb Avraham realized that the prince would not have given him the urn had he believed that it was truly made of gold.  Reb Avraham toiled to clean and polish the urn, proving to the prince its true value.  The prince rewarded Reb Avraham by inviting him to attend his coronation as king, in defiance of the Yemenite laws discriminating against Jews, praising the honesty of the Jew before his countrymen. Although we may never have the opportunity to decline accepting a valuable treasure from a prince, we have many opportunities to examine our own honesty and distance ourselves from falsehood of any kind. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush HaShem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Examples: We might… ·         Encourage our child to tell the teacher she didn’t finish the homework, instead of saying she left it at home. ·         Tell the boss that I need to take tomorrow off, instead of calling in sick in the morning. ·         Tell the neighbor it was my son who broke your window playing ball when you weren’t home (or help my son to say it). ·         Put a note on the windshield of the car I dented with my shopping cart. ·         Avoid paying someone “off the books” or getting paid “off the books”. ·         Return money when I am undercharged. ·         Give credit to a co-worker when the boss thinks something was my idea. In each of these examples, and in the many more we can probably think of, there are consequences to our honesty, and those consequences may cost us, either financially, or in other ways.  However, it is our responsibility to keep in mind the other consequence of our integrity:  Kiddush HaShem! A related example of actions that are especially effective in engendering Kiddush HaShem is hashavas aveida, returning something lost.  There are many Jewish laws involved in what types of items must be returned, how much effort must be expended, whether the person who lost the item has despaired of finding it, etc.  However, it is meritorious to return lost objects or lost money, even if one goes beyond the strictures of Jewish law.  This is especially true in returning things to non-Jews, particularly because it negates the generally held maxim of “finders keepers losers weepers” prevalently held in secular society.  A famous incident regarding an observant Jewish family who found close to $100,000 in a used desk they purchased, and returned the money to the amazed seller made national headlines.  The family was encouraged to appear on national television to publicize the incident, explaining that since negative stories about religious Jews get news coverage, this type of positive story should also be covered, creating a huge opportunity for Kiddush HaShem. Discussion Questions: Can you give other examples where you or someone you know has shown scrupulous honesty despite the seemingly negative consequences, or where honesty has resulted in a Kiddush HaShem?  What are some justifications people may give for less than honest behavior? Do you think that someone who returns a lost item should accept a reward? Stretch of the Week: Find an opportunity to be honest with yourself or others and avoid making excuses.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  Find an opportunity to be honest with yourself or others and avoid making excuses. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute.  KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #7 Kiddush HaShem Respect for Converts and Ba’a’lei Teshuva When we consider what the world will be like in the end of days, we can get a preview of sorts when we think about those of us who have become Jewish by choice, rather than by birth.  Enormous Kiddush HaShem is created by righteous converts to Judaism, who have accepted HaShem and His Torah.  We are enjoined many, many times in the Torah to love converts, accept them, and to treat them well.  What appreciation for the beauty of the Torah we can have when we witness someone giving up his easier lifestyle for the responsibilities of the Torah!  What self-sacrifice to change, often without the support of family and childhood traditions and memories on which to build.  In a similar vein, ba’alei t’shuva, those who were not born into religious homes yet choose to live a Torah observant life, who have given up the world in which they were raised to adopt the ways of the Torah are equally inspirational. Converts and ba’alei t’shuva are sometimes sensitive about their lack of knowledge, especially in what might be called cultural matters.  The traditional foods which are not familiar, the dances at weddings or what is considered appropriate attire all seem so simple yet can strike a chord of anxiety in those who aren’t familiar with them. The obligation to sanctify HaShem applies even more intensely with respect to other Jews.  The commentary, Meshech Chochma explains that when we act in a way that glorifies HaShem in the company of other Jews, it results in an increased awareness that enables them to do the same.  The increase in Kiddush HaShem becomes exponential.  Many mitzvos that we perform have the ability to inspire others including all aspects of ahavas Yisrael, loving and respecting all Jews and chessed, acts of loving kindness. We have probably heard of many incidents where a single act of kindness has influenced and inspired someone to become observant.  However, more often, it is when a person notices the totality of the Torah lifestyle that has the greatest impact.  Not every outreach attempt results in a complete lifestyle turn-around.  But, each positive interaction, each agreeable impression, can be built upon.  Perhaps we can begin measuring our successes in bringing other Jews closer to their heritage by the yardstick of how much of a Kiddush HaShem we have created. Let us also keep in mind that the people we influence the most are those in our own families.  Our directive to sanctify HaShem includes spouses and children as well.  Our families sees our private lives and know who we really are.  When they witness our constant compassion, giving and striving for growth with a smile or genuine concentration while praying, this can give them added respect for the privileged lifestyle they have been blessed to be born into and can enhance their desire to follow suit. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush Hashem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Examples:  Consider these (actual) remarks made by less religious Jews: It is said that Rabbi Moshe Feinstein blamed the decrease in religious observance among American Jews in an earlier generation on the attitude conveyed by the commonly repeated phrase, ‘S’iz shver tzu zain a Yid’, Yiddish for “It’s hard to be a Jew”.  We must be careful to convey joy and pleasure in Judaism in our actions, in our speech and in our attitude. Be careful with statements like: Discussion Questions: Can you think of other examples of how a convert or a ba’al t’shuva may be inadvertently made to feel inadequate?  How can we learn to be more sensitive to their feelings? Can we share a time when we saw or heard something that made us especially proud to be among the Jewish people? How can we change some of those negative statements into positive ones? In what ways can we be sure to present Judaism in a positive light to our children, even when some aspects may be challenging?  How does this help improve our own attitudes? Stretch of the Week: Find a way to make a Kiddush HaShem within your own family.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  Find a way to make a kiddush HaShem within your own family. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute.  KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #8 Kiddush HaShem Tznius We have been focusing on the concepts of Kiddush HaShem. We have learned that in order to be a Kiddush Hashem, we need to carefully consider the way we appear to others.  We have also learned that too much pride in ourselves and our accomplishments can result in negative behaviors toward others.  This can be a precarious balance.  However, we do have a direction to keep us from wavering too much to one side or the other-the concepts of modesty and humility. While we want to give the most positive impression, by following societal norms, where possible, by keeping our homes and businesses neat and attractive, and by dressing and carrying ourselves regally, the concepts of modesty and humility will help us to be doing this for the right reasons.  If we are portraying ourselves as individuals worthy of a second glance, as worthy of respect, our motives must be that we are doing so as representatives of HaShem and His Torah, that our objective is to be mekadesh HaShem, and not as self-promotion, image-management, vanity or conceit.  Arrogance or a sense of superiority based on our personal achievements is truly the antithesis of kiddush HaShem, so our motivations must be carefully scrutinized.  One might think that broadcasting our accomplishments and achievements is an appropriate venue for influencing others for Kiddush HaShem.  On the contrary, it is the discreet, non-ostentatious performance of mitzvos, acts of kindness, etc., that are the true expressions of the mitzva as all hints of ulterior motive are gone.  With today’s proliferation of social media, we must be especially careful not to flaunt the ideals of privacy and modest behavior. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush HaShem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Examples and Discussion Questions: How do we strike the correct balance?  Suppose an organization wants to honor you at the annual fund-raising dinner?  Do you accept the honor?  Perhaps you will bring a considerable sum of money to the organization by virtue of the number of friends, family, and business associates who will come?  But there will be speeches detailing your many good works for the community, some of which will be well-deserved.  The community will have an opportunity to express its appreciation for all you have done.  Relating your accomplishments may affect others to become more involved.  What should you do? When we speak about modesty, we are often speaking about specific modes of dress.  How can we broaden the discussion with our daughters to include modest behavior as well as modest dress? Stretch of the Week: Change one element of behavior, in dress, speech or action, to a more modest one this week.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  Change one element of behavior, in dress, speech or action, to a more modest one this week. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute. KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #9 Kiddush HaShem Wasting Ba’al Tashchis There is an interesting connection between Kiddush HaShem and ba’al tashchis, the prohibition of the wanton destruction or waste of property.  When we consider that the physical world was created for HaShem’s honor and to help us in serving HaShem, we can begin to understand that every item may be elevated to a level of holiness.  The physical, material items in our world have a spiritual potential-to be used in bringing honor to HaShem.  Wasting or wantonly destroying material items squanders the opportunity to use these things to glorify the Creator.  And, if the inanimate objects in the world can bring glory to HaShem, how much more so the human beings of the world. The prohibition of ba’al tashchis is sometimes expanded to include not only the destruction or waste of physical resources, but also to preclude wasting time or wasting experiences.  The ultimate in serving HaShem is the ability to see the higher potential purpose in all that we come in contact with, and to make every attempt to elevate it to a level of holiness. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush HaShem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Examples:  What could our thoughts be when using inanimate objects or doing mundane tasks?  I am eating this food and using these dishes in order to serve HaShem by… o   gaining strength to perform Mitzvos o   saying blessings to praise and thank HaShem for His creations o   enjoying the bounty provided by Our Creator and recognizing its Source o   taking the opportunity to connect with my family o   having the opportunity to share Torah thoughts Discussion Questions: Choose another mundane object or activity and share how it can be elevated to a level of kedusha. An interesting thought about our relationship with secular Jews and non-Jews comes as a corollary to the discussion of ba’al tashchis.  Often, our universal and unchanging, G-d given Torah values are at odds with the prevailing secular cultural values.  We must be steadfast and not allow ourselves to be swayed by the outside culture.  However, in the case of ba’al tashchis, the prevailing cultural values of preserving natural resources, care for the environment, even reuse, recycle and reduce, are in sync with Torah values.  This concept begs two questions: a.         How can we use the convergence of these ideas to promote kiddush HaShem? b.         How can we teach our children (and ourselves) how to recognize and appreciate when Torah values are part of the secular culture, and especially, to be clear about where they diverge? Stretch of the Week: Be mindful of the potential for holiness of an inanimate object.

Review: Last week’s stretch of the week was:  Be mindful of the potential for holiness of an inanimate object. Please allow ONE person to share her experience with this exercise for ONE minute. KIDDUSH HASHEM Lesson #10 Kiddush HaShem Through Speech Our words have a tremendous impact when speaking about the wonders of HaShem.  We praise Hashem often through prayer, blessings and the like.  However, these praises unfortunately, might become rote.  How much more kiddush HaShem can be generated when we praise HaShem out loud, in front of others, especially our children.  Comments on the beauty of nature, on the intricacies of the natural world, on the increase of knowledge of the world, can all be infused with mention of HaShem.  Noticing, aloud, of HaShem’s role in our individual lives, instead of remarking on “luck” or “coincidence” is another way to use our powerful speech to be mekadesh HaShem. We need to be especially careful in speaking about Rabbis and teachers; even criticizing a dvar Torah brings the honor of HaShem down. Not only must we speak positively about HaShem, His Torah and His teachers of Torah, but really we must consciously make an effort to praise all of HaShem’s creations, all people, whenever possible.  Speaking respectfully to and about others is showing respect for HaShem, bringing Him honor, just as disrespect and disparaging comments about others dishonors HaShem.  This includes non-verbal messages, such as eye-rolling, as well.  Every negative comment becomes a chillul HaShem because it causes us to become desensitized to the aveira, we don’t even recognize it as something wrong. (Reproduced from Living Kiddush HaShem by Rabbi Shraga Freedman, with permission of the author.  For more resources, please contact:  mifalkiddushhashem@gmail.com.) Examples:  How many times do we find ourselves critical of our children’s schools?  They should have sent a notice home.  They’re not organized.  There’s too much homework; there’s not enough homework.  They spend too little time on Chumash; they spend too much time on Chumash.  The teachers are not warm and understanding.  The teachers aren’t strict enough.  And on and on.  And all of those criticisms are probably true at one time or another, but speaking about these problems in front of or to our children is such a danger to the effectiveness of their education, and it is clearly a chillul HaShem. Discussion Questions: How can these scenarios be used as opportunities for Kiddush HaShem? ·         A long car trip with the kids? ·         The Shabbos table discussion about the rabbi’s speech? ·         A conversation about math homework with your child? ·         Explaining to your child why he/she will be changing schools? ·         A conversation about the service in a new restaurant or shop? Stretch of the Week: Say at least one thing each day that praises HaShem or one of His creations.