TEENS

Teen Lesson 1 Don”t Ignore Your Friend”s Pain “Lo Saamod Al Dam Rei’acha” Last week we discussed avoiding arguing (Machlokes). STORYI ran quickly into the bunkhouse; we were having color war skits and I didn’t want to miss a minute. When I got there, I noticed someone’s stuff was all over the floor, having fallen out of its cubby. But I wanted my camera and had no time to waste, so I grabbed it and fled. Late that night, we returned after an exhausting, fun filled evening. I went to put on my pajamas and found them scattered all over the floor. “The nerve!” I thought. “How is it, that with all the girls that come in and out of the bunkhouse all day, no one stopped to pick up my things?!” Wait. I’m remembering now. I did the same thing earlier and now I realize, that was my stuff all over the floor. It was my things that I did not stop to pick up… I realized that just like I would like someone to pick up my things, I need to be more careful with the possessions of others. Stretch of the WeekAt least once this week go out of your way to protect someone’s property from damage. Points to PonderWhy do people shy away from helping others in their time of need?How can we encourage ourselves to protect others and their possessions even when it is difficult? HALACHA“The issur of “Lo Saamod Al Dam Rei’acha” prohibits us from standing idly by when a fellow Jew is in danger and we are in a position to save him from that danger. This includes both exerting oneself physically and, when necessary, spending money to save him. If saving the other person will definitely place the rescuer in danger, there is no obligation to save him; when the danger to the rescuer is not certain, opinions differ as to his obligation. According to many opinions, the mitzvah includes doing whatever is possible to save someone’s property. Some also say this mitzvah includes the responsibility to save another Jew from transgressing.”-Taken from The code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver PG 113. For more information on the Ahavas Yisrael Teen Project please contact:

Teen Lesson 2 Don’t Desire What Your Friend Has “Lo Saamod V’Lo T’save” Last week we discussed taking responsibility for the possessions of others STORY I enter her house and my eyes scan the whole place. Wow! What a house! The artwork is stunning and the kitchen is a dream. And there is a maid hovering around her giving her anything she could possibly ask for. “If only I had a maid making me my favorite foods. If only our living room had such a nice rug. If only our furniture was so clean…” I start to think. And then I realize that I have so much. My mother makes my favorite foods with love and care. Since our rugs are worn out, my siblings and I can run and play in the living room; tattered furniture is a sign of life. I have what I need and I should be happy. I am happy. Stretch of the Week At least once this week take a moment to appreciate what you were given without comparing it to what others have. Points to Ponder Is there a certain type of person that most people envy? How do people lose out by having feelings of jealousy? How would a person gain if they were to feel pleasure when they hear about the good fortune of others? HALACHA “The Mitzvos of Lo T’save and Lo Sachmod forbid us to desire another Jew’s possessions and to take measures to acquire them. The issur applies whether we are pressuring another person to sell the items to us when he is not interested in selling, or whether we are pleading with him to give something to us as a gift. If the item is for sale, pressuring the seller to reduce the price is considered normal negotiation techniques and is permissible. The root of these violations is the middah of envy, which is a very destructive trait that should be carefully avoided.”-Taken from The Code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver, Pg. 175.

Teen Lesson 3 Don’t Take Revenge or Bear a Grudge “Lo Sikom V’Lo Sitor” Last week we discussed appreciating what you have and not being envious of others possessions. STORY I am exhausted today. I was up so late last night because my siblings, in their ruthlessness, decided not to stop their partying until about 3am! Since they didn’t go to sleep until late, neither did I. The noise in the background was unbearable so even though I was tired, I could not fall asleep. I don’t understand how people can act so inappropriately! I’m going to teach them a lesson! Tonight, they are going to try to go to sleep early because of last night’s late night adventure. But I am not going to let it happen. I’m having a sleepover with 3 of my noisiest friends. Ha! I will show them! We are going to be loud…but…something is wrong with this…its assur to take revenge…the party is planned…What should I do? Stretch of the Week If someone hurts you, immediately remind yourself of the issur to bear a grudge and take revenge Points to Ponder In general is it better to discuss old grudges with the person one is upset with or to keep it in the past and not deal with it? What is the difference between bearing a grudge and teaching someone a valuable lesson? Is it common for people to bear grudges that they are not aware of? HALACHA “The Mitzvos of lo sikom and lo sitor prohibit us from taking revenge against someone who has wronged us physically, monetarily or verbally, as well as from bearing a grudge against him in our heart. Exceptions exist, according to some opinions, in cases of personal offense, when a talmid chacham is the victim, and-on rare occasions-when there is constructive benefit. These issurim do not apply in the “heat of the moment.”” -Taken from The Code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver, Pg. 40. “When a person lets offenses pass and is forgiving- he will be forgiven for all his sins” – Yuma 87b

Teen Lesson 4 Volume 1, Lesson 4 “Lo Sisna” Last week we discussed the issur of bearing a grudge and taking revenge STORY We were the best of friends. We did everything together. In 8th grade, we headed the Purim carnival together. We had grand plans for a simchadik event. But something went wrong. I overheard her discussing the plans with a classmate. She took full credit for an activity that we planned together. It was as if I didn’t do anything. This got me mad! Somehow we managed to plan the event. But I hated her the whole time. After the event I dropped her completely. I no longer knew her. She was hurt, I could tell. But I did not care. Time passed but my hatred for her didn’t lessen. I graduated high school and went to seminary. After seminary, I entered shidduchim. The first boy seemed amazing but it was her brother. No way was I going near that shidduch! I was discussing my dilemma with one of my seminary teachers. She pointed out to me that maybe I should just stop hating. It was baseless hatred anyways. What did I really have against her? I had overheard a conversation and didn’t really hear the discussion in its context. It was one event that happened 5 years ago! Why did I hate her?! The hatred melted. I called her, apologized, and although the shidduch didn’t work out, we were friends again! Stretch of the Week Think of someone with whom you have difficulty and everyday this week, write down something positive about them Points to Ponder There are probably not too many people we truly hate. Of those few individuals though that we are not so fond of, how can the hashkafa “Hashem has put this person and their personality in my life for a reason” help ease the force of this emotion? HALACHA “The mitzvah of lo sisna prohibits us from hating any Jew in our heart, with the exception of certain categories of sinners, some of whom we are permitted to hate but must otherwise treat like any other Jew; and others-kofrim-who are in an even more severe category. The Torah delineates what constitutes sinah and advises us regarding how to deal with our negative feelings in acceptable ways. Sinas chinam is dangerous and destructive, and it can lead to a breakdown of family and social harmony, as well as of general Torah observance.”-Taken from The code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver PG 29 “Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love covers all offenses” – Mishlei 10:12 For more information on the Ahavas Yisrael Teen Project please contact

Volume 1, Lesson 5 “Kibud Av va’Eim” part 1 Last week discussed the issur of hating a fellow Jew. STORY I heard the following story about a Gadol: The Gadol was on an airplane with his grandson. The grandson was constantly tending to his grandfather’s needs. A fellow passenger marveled at the respect of the boy towards his grandfather. He approached the Gadol and said to him, “My children don’t show me respect, and yet your grandson treats you so respectfully.” The Gadol explained: “You believe that people evolved from monkeys, so earlier generations are looked at as closer to being monkeys and are looked down upon. Jews know that the younger generations are not as holy because they are further from the generation that got the Torah at Sinai. Therefore, the older generations are given more respect.” Stretch of the Week Think about ways to show your parents (or other parental figure) more honor? Points to Ponder What impact does standing up or not standing for a parent have on the parent-child relationship? Why is it so hard for us, as teenagers, not to contradict our parents? Why is it assur to call a parent by name? HALACHA “We are obligated to both honor and revere our parents, and to refrain from cursing, striking and disgracing them in any way. These halachos are incumbent on sons and daughters toward fathers and mothers, and young children should be trained in them as well. While the main fulfillment of this mitzvah is in the heart, there are numerous halachos that guide us in applying it in words and deeds: Mora-reverence-includes such things as not sitting in a father’s place, not contradicting his words and not calling him by name. Kavod-honor-includes actions such as standing up for the parent and providing him with food and clothing. The cost of providing for these needs should come from the parents’ funds. If they are lacking, the child is obligated to support them.”-Taken from The code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver PG 437. For more information on the Ahavas Yisrael Teen Project please contact

Volume 1, Lesson 6 “Kibud Av va’Eim” part 2 Last week we discussed the ideas of Mora and Kavod. STORY “Ok so I’ll go at 5 o’clock and stay until all the kids are sleeping”. This was the phone conversation I had with the chessed organizer in my community. The family really needed help and I was happy to be the one to chap the mitzvah. My mother overheard my phone conversation. She then said, “Leah, I need your help tonight. There is so much cooking to do before Yom Tov. I know that you love to help others and I’m very proud of you. But tonight I need you.” I gasped. Shock overtook me. How could my mother ask me to stay home when people needed help?! My mother reminded me lovingly that as her child, I am obligated to listen to her even if it means that I have to forgo a different mitzvah. I’ll get the mitzvah of kibud eim instead. Stretch of the Week If you are asked to do something by a parent but you are middle of something else, remind yourself that honoring your parents comes above it in most circumstances Points to Ponder Give examples and discuss different times when it is permissible to forgo Mitzvos for “Kibud Av Va’Eim”. Give Examples and discuss times when one must not be Mechabed their parents. HALACHA “Special halachos guide our conduct toward parents who are sinners or who are of objectionable character. A child need not obey a parent who instructs him to violate a mitzvah. However, he may at times need to forgo a mitzvah or interrupt his Torah learning in a case where kibbud av takes precedence. A child is not obligated to heed a parent regarding a shidduch, or in a case where his spiritual growth is at stake. Parents should make it as easy as possible for their children to honor them.”-Taken from The code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver PG 437. For more information on the Ahavas Yisrael Teen Project please contact 

Volume 1, Lesson 7 “Kibud Av va’Eim” part 3 Last week we discussed what to do when the honoring of our parents conflicts with our mitzvah observance. STORY My mother had a baby 4 days ago, smack in middle of finals. So I went kvetching to my friend. “I am so angry! What was my mother thinking when she decided to give birth during finals?! And now she expects me to help her?! No way!” My friend listened quietly and then said to me, “Do you ever think about what your mother does for you? Do you ever express hakoras hatov for all that she does?” I brushed her off. She is not in my situation she doesn’t know how it feels. But later it dawned on me. Wow! I never thought of it that way! My mother does so much. She is kind and loving and caring. I should really thank her. Stretch of the Week Call, write, or express through tefilla, the hakoras hatov you have towards your parents for anything they have done for you Points to Ponder Do parents owe their children anything? Why are there distinctions between the honor accorded to the father and the mother? Why do sons and daughters have varied obligations in this mitzvah? HALACHA “There are a number of distinctions between the obligations one has toward a father and those toward a mother, and between the obligations of a son and those of a daughter. There are specific halachos that apply to special parental situations, such as adoptive parents and stepparents. In-laws must also be honored to an extent, as well as an older brother and grandparents. There are no limits when it comes to observing the mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim, and fulfilling this mitzvah brings with it the promise of great reward in this world and the next.” Taken fromThe code of Jewish Conduct, Rabbi Yitzchak Silver PG 437. For more information on the Ahavas Yisrael Teen Project please contact

Volume 1, Lesson 8 “Kavod” Last week we discussed the topic of expressing hakoras hatov towards our parents. STORY Chedva walked in and all eyes turned towards her. She looked different then her peers. She looked strange. Therefore, whenever she entered the room, it got quiet, and when conversation continued, everyone totally ignored her presence. Day by day this happened but no one thought about how disrespectful they were being to her, a human just like them. I entered the class mid year and felt comfortable right away. But I noticed what happened daily with Chedva and something didn’t seem right. “Chedva is a person just like you and I,” I explained to my friends. But no one understood. So I decided I had to show by example. The next day, when Chedva walked into the room, I went over and said hi. Chedva was surprised that someone actually spoke to her, but she was pleased. We managed to have a very nice conversation. I got some looks from my friends but I didn’t care. Chedva is a person and she deserves respect. So every day, Chedva and I talked and slowly the other girls realized that she is a wonderful person and they too should get to know her. They did and today Chedva is a valuable part of her class. She is loved. She is welcomed. She is respected. Stretch of the Week Make it a point to acknowledge someone through thought or action that you previously had not had an appreciation for. Points to Ponder How do people gain respect? How do people lose respect? Is respect something that someone must earn or should we give it to any person? If someone suffers from lack of self-respect what effect can your respecting them have on them? How would one gain if s/he were to act with respect even to those people who do not act with respect towards them? HALACHA In Pirkei Avos (4:1) it says Ayzehu mechubad? Ha’m’chabed es habrios – Our Sages explain: “Who is honorable? Someone who shows honor and respect to other people”. This teaches us that it’s not how other people treat you that makes you important and honorable, rather, it’s how you treat others. When you realize that every human being is created in the image of HaShem, you realize that right from birth every human being is important and valuable. By being respectful to other human beings, you add to your self-respect. You recognize that when you treat others with respect, you are expressing respect to the Creator. You can accomplish this by imagining that everyone you meet wears a sign saying: “Please treat this child of Mine with great respect. [signed] Your Father, Your King, Creator and Sustainer of the Universe. The word “kavod” comes from the word “kaved” which means “heavy”. Kavod means that we realize that every person has weight and must be taken seriously. Kavod HaBrios, the dignity of man, is given the highest priority in the Torah. Respect for another human being is not contingent on his merits but simply on his humanity. (Excerpt from Building your Self-Image by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin) For more information on the Ahavas Yisrael Teen Project please contact